I’m going to share something I realized nearly eight years ago. Because it still holds true today:
The biggest problem in my family… is me.
Not my kids.
Not my husband.
Not our busy schedule, the stress, or the stage of life we’re in.
It’s me.
But this isn’t about guilt, shame, or blaming myself for everything.
It’s about something far more powerful: Extreme Ownership.
It’s about recognizing that the problems I face at home—the tension, the disconnection, the constant frustration—aren’t just happening to me.
In many ways, they were happening because of me.
This realization didn’t result from one big breakdown. Instead, it was the small, everyday moments that started to add up.
- Mornings that felt rushed and chaotic, with me snapping at the kids just to get out the door.
- Conversations with my husband that turned into quiet disagreements or unspoken frustration. Just enough to feel the distance growing.
- A constant feeling that I was carrying everything… and no one else noticed.
I kept thinking: Why aren’t they stepping up? Why does everything default to me?
But then I remembered something :
“If you want to find the person responsible, look in the mirror.”
So I did.
And it didn’t feel good, but it was honest.
The Truth: I Was Contributing to the Chaos
I realized I wasn’t just reacting to a stressful home—I was creating it.
- I was frustrated that my kids didn’t listen, but I wasn’t truly listening to them either.
- I was upset that my husband didn’t help more, but I hadn’t clearly communicated what I needed.
- I expected everyone else to manage their emotions, while I was modeling the opposite.
- I was stressed, short-tempered, and overwhelmed
The truth? I was leading my family, but not the way I wanted to.
The Power of Ownership
When you realize you’re the problem, it’s actually a gift. Because now, you get to be the solution.
That’s what Extreme Ownership is all about. It’s not about taking the blame for everything—it’s about taking responsibility for what you can control.
And as a parent, a partner, and a leader in your home? That’s a lot.
When I started taking ownership at home, everything began to shift—slowly, but meaningfully.
- I took a breath before reacting to the kids.
- I got more intentional about how I showed up each day.
- I stopped reacting emotionally and started responding with clarity.
- I spoke with my husband like a partner, not a competitor.
- I asked myself, “What does leadership look like right now?” before jumping into frustration.
- I paid attention to my tone, my attitude, and the example I was setting.
- I shifted my perspective. I saw the daily tasks, challenges, and interruptions not as burdens, but as opportunities to serve the people I love most.
It didn’t fix everything overnight, but it changed the energy in our home. Because when I led myself better, I led my family better too.
Real Change Starts With You
If the culture in your home feels off…
If the connection feels distant…
If the energy feels heavy…
Ask yourself:
“What am I doing-or not doing- doing-that’s contributing to this?”
Then take ownership. Not of everyone else’s choices, but of your own.
That’s how we shift the culture at home: by leading ourselves first.
5 Ways to Lead Your Family with Ownership
Cover and Move is all about teamwork—supporting one another, stepping in when someone needs help, and working toward the same mission. Your family is the ULTIMATE TEAM. When one person struggles, the others step in. Start thinking like a team, not individuals, just trying to get through the day
Here’s what I’m working on—and what might help you too:
1. Start With You
Your tone, your energy, your mindset—it all impacts your home. Take care of yourself so you can show up better for others.
2. Clarify Expectations
Don’t assume your partner or kids know what you need. Say it. Clearly. Kindly.
3. Detach Before Reacting
When things get tense, pause. Take a breath. Step back and lead with intention, not emotion or ego.
4. Model What You Want
Want respect? Be respectful. Want calm? Be calm. Want teamwork? Show up as a teammate.
5. Own It When You Mess Up
Leadership isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real. When you mess up, say so. Then do better.
Final Thought
I didn’t write this because I have it all figured out. I wrote it because I’m in the thick of it too.
But here’s what I know for sure:
If I’m the problem, I also get to be the solution.
And that’s where the power is. That’s where real leadership starts—not in a boardroom or a job title, but in the quiet, unseen choices we make at home every day with the people that matter most to us.
So if you’re struggling, start with ownership.
Not because everything is your fault, but because you have the power to lead through it.
