We’ve all been there. You open the dishwasher and immediately feel the tension. Dishes are stacked in total chaos, bowls balancing on mugs, spoons jammed into corners, plates crisscrossed like a game of Tetris gone wrong. You sigh. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be done.
So, you fix it. Or you say something. Or, if you’re tired and frustrated, you start the dishwasher and stew in silence. Welcome to the Dishwasher Debate, a seemingly small domestic disagreement that reflects a much bigger leadership and communication issue.
This is a classic example of getting stuck on the bottom rung of the Ladder of Alignment.
At the bottom of the ladder, we argue about tactics, how something is being done. In this case, it’s how the dishwasher is loaded. One person likes it neat and efficient, with all the plates facing the same way. The other sees it as a game of speed, get them in, close the door, move on.
So who’s right?
That’s the wrong question. The better question is: What’s the goal?
If we climb the ladder together, we can find alignment on the mission, getting the dishes clean. Once we’re aligned on that outcome, we can come back down the ladder and have a productive conversation about the methods.
But when we stay stuck at the bottom, we never reach alignment. We just argue. We dig in. We defend our preferences instead of seeking a shared goal. And often, we let ego lead.
What would happen if one person let go of needing to be right? What if, instead of arguing about why dishes need to be loaded a certain way, they stepped back and asked, Does it really matter, as long as they get clean?
Or maybe the other person, whose style might be more haphazard, took a moment to observe how their partner prefers it done and made a small effort to adjust. Not out of obligation, but out of respect. Not to win the dishwasher debate, but to protect the relationship.
Because what’s really at stake here? Is it your kitchen standards, or your connection?
We waste time fighting over tactics when we could be building trust through shared purpose. Alignment isn’t about control. It’s about clarity. When we climb the ladder, we remember what matters. And when we come back down, we find the compromises that keep us moving forward together.
So the next time you’re about to argue about dishes, or anything else, pause and ask: Are we aligned on the outcome?
If the answer is yes, let that guide your next move.
