The power of relationships

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Relationships are integral to your success and the success of any team in any arena. When you recognize that relationships are paramount, you will prioritize building strong relationships with everyone around you to be victorious.

What is a Relationship?

Think about someone you know. Do you have a good relationship with them? How do you measure whether or not you have a good relationship with them? It isn’t based on whether you greet each other cordially. It is far deeper than this.

The Power of Relationships

The first Law of Combat, Cover and Move, is all based on the power of relationships. To succeed in anything you are trying to do, you need to build strong relationships with those you depend on to accomplish your mission.

Think about the people in your life that you really have a good relationship with. Maybe this is someone you work with. Or it could be someone in your community. Anyone in your life you really like.

When they ask you for help, what do you do? You help them. But what if you are busy? Really, really busy? When they ask for help, what do you do? You help them.

That’s the power of relationships. If we care about the other person enough, it doesn’t matter how busy we are. We will find the time to help them.

Now consider the opposite. Think about the people in your life that you don’t like. We all have them.

When they ask you for something, what do you do? Most people won’t do it. Often, we won’t help someone we dislike. Or we don’t put much effort into helping them.

Obviously, that hurts them because they don’t get the help from you that they need. But because they’re a member of your team, that also hurts you! This is why you should strive to build strong relationships with everyone in your world—every person that impacts or could impact your mission.

How Do You Measure Your Relationships?

How do you quantify your relationship with others rather than someone you simply “like” or “dislike”?

Do you trust them? Do they trust you?

Do you listen to them? Do they listen to you?

Do they respect you? Do you respect them?

Do you have the ability to influence them? Do they have the ability to influence you?

A relationship is built upon these four things: trust, listen, respect, influence. If you don’t have these things with someone, you don’t have a relationship with them.

In order to get these things from others, you have to give them first. Finally, in bringing these four tenets together, you have a good relationship with someone when you care about them and they care about you.

Relationships Are Paramount

Relationships are integral to your success and the success of any team in any arena. When you recognize that relationships are paramount, you will prioritize building strong relationships with everyone around you to be victorious.

You do this by trusting others, listening to them, showing them respect, allowing yourself to be influenced by them, and demonstrating that you care about them.

Real-World Example: 

“What do you do when you try and share some valuable, constructive criticism with a colleague, but instead of accepting the feedback, they get defensive?” a leader asked.

“How is your relationship with them?” I replied.

“Good,” the leader replied. “I have a good relationship with them.”

“How would you quantify that?” I asked the leader.

“We say hello to each other every morning. We ask about each other’s kids. I don’t have any problem with them,” the leader answered.

“Relationships are about far more than whether or not you greet each other and make small talk,” I said. “There are four things that every relationship is based on: trust, listen, respect, and influence.”

“When you have a high level of trust with someone, when you listen to them, when you show them respect, when you allow them to influence you, they are far more likely to accept your feedback. This is all the more powerful when they know that you care about them, that you are trying to help them and have their best interests in mind.”

For Action:  

This week, consider your relationships with your family, friends, and colleagues. Which relationships do you need to work on the most? Identify one person you will focus on building a better relationship with and prioritize that effort over the next 30 days. In every interaction, remember that relationships are paramount. Now, EXECUTE.

To build effective relationships, you must learn to apply the four tenets—trust, listen, respect, and influence. Learn to improve your relationships with everyone you depend on to accomplish your mission in our new “How to Build Relationships” course with Jocko and Dave Berke, just released on Extreme Ownership Academy.